Why is she writing about apple trees? Seriously? Yep. Read on. You may see the connection here. I need to preface this post with the statement that although I am employed by Jackson Public Schools, this is purely my opinion and does not reflect the positions or opinions of JPS.
As a teacher, I always had a pack of paperwork that I sent home on the first day of school: the forms from the office, a personality inventory, and my discipline procedures. My discipline procedure letter started out to the effect of, ‘This is the letter that is my least favorite to send home, but the most important letter you will get from me because I want to insure all families understand the behavioral expectations for successful students in my classroom’. As a principal, I send out a student handbook that has been collaboratively developed with parent and teacher input, to insure all stakeholders understand the expectations at school. Same concept.
Here is why this is so important to me. I am an educator, no matter what my job title, my job is to educate students. As a principal, I am not directly educating students, I don’t instruct on a daily basis, although I do love working with my school counselor to teach classroom guidance lessons. But I over see instruction. And discipline is important to instruction because children who are not behaving are not learning, and children who are not learning are not behaving. Louder for the people in back? Children who are not behaving are not learning, and children who are not learning are not behaving. And children who are in a classroom with children who are not behaving are struggling to learn. And this is not fair.
The fact is parents are a child’s first teacher, and values should be taught in the home. If they are not, then they have to be taught somewhere, or we end up in a society lacking in civility and order. As the principal, it is my job to maintain an environment that is orderly, civil, safe and conducive to learning. I hold my students to high standards for conduct, I have worked with my teachers to implement a consistent system of teaching and positively reinforcing good behavior, and correcting and redirecting negative behaviors…and with all behavior good behavior has good consequences and negative behavior has negative consequences.
Seems pretty simple right? Handbook goes out to parents, and teachers and staff are consistent with upholding handbook…what could possibly go wrong? Let me tell you.
If I had a dime for every time I had to call a parent to let them know their child was in my office and they begin their side of the conversation with the name of another student….I’d be a wealthy woman. That meme that circulated Facebook about if you enable your child’s bad behavior now, you will be paying the attorney fees later? Truer words…..but it happens every week. I had a conversation with a parent recently that illustrates my point perfectly.
Long story short, the child in question was a participant in a teasing situation that caused another student to be humiliated. The child, to their credit was honest about their participation, but had also been in mediation with the guidance counselor the previous month for a similar relationally aggressive behavior. My trusty old handbook, with the collaboratively developed behavior matrix to the rescue! Parent insists the action was unintentional, and feels like a warning would be more appropriate. We were past the warning stage when the student repeated a behavior we addressed in mediation. Concluding the meeting with the parent, all parties understood the consequences and why they were being imposed. So far so good right?
Later that night my phone pings with a work email. Parent has rethought their position, and now disagrees with the consequence being assigned because their child didn’t actually mean to embarrass another student with their actions. Now the child is uncomfortable. Ummmmmm……how do you suppose the student on the receiving end end of the teasing feels? And let me say, this parent would be upset if their child was on the receiving end as well.
All said and done the situation was worked out, matrix guidelines were followed, and everyone moved on, but this is a serious problem in today’s educational landscape. Staff and administration face an uphill battle with the parents who don’t want their children to be held accountable for the choices they make. Let me be clear here- I have PLENTY of supportive parents who thank me for being the bearer of this sort of news because they want to opportunity to help their children make better choices in the future. It doesn’t change the ones that have suggested their children are being singled out or targeted, or who think we make this stuff up, or who blame other children for their child’s choices, or those who flat out don’t think the behavior issues are a problem…..’I don’t see why this is a big deal…’. We sweat the small stuff so the big stuff is less likely to occur.
But here is the thing….people, all people, make mistakes. Adults, children, parents, teachers, students, administrators….we all make mistakes from time to time. The point behind discipline is to learn from those mistakes and not repeat them. Taking ownership and responsibility for the things we do wrong is part of life, and it is part of my expectation in running a school that is civil, orderly, and conducive to learning. When parents try to absolve their child’s responsibility for a mistake, no lessons are learned.
I don’t have time in the day to single a kid out…but if their behavior is outside the explicitly taught expectation for conduct, we are going to notice, and we are going to address it…for poor choices as well as the good ones. My goal with my students is to be a partner with families in raising healthy, productive, contributing members of society…and sometimes this means implementing measures to correct behavior concerns. Sometimes this means having crucial conversations with students and their families, sometimes these conversations are hard to have, but I care enough about the kids, and their futures, to have them.
