I don’t think there is a woman alive who looks at her own body in the mirror and says, “ Damn…I love everything about my body”. Not even those Instagram influencers who are demonstrating how they got their six packs, and perky glutes. And unfortunately, American society capitalizes on this, much to the detriment of women (and girls) everywhere. And this time of year, when we are all resolving to eat better, exercise more and care less, many times in response to some preconceived notion of what the female body should look like, we are harder on ourselves than we need to be.
Body image has been such a hot topic in the last few years, and while there has been much advancement on the promotion of healthier body types in the media, we still have a long way to go. I was thrilled to see a Victoria’s Secret PINK flyer in my mailbox that included models that were not toothpicks with perfectly toned bodies. More and more retailers are choosing models that look like a more realistic representative of the average American woman…although, we are still not quite there yet when you consider the average woman is closer to a size 16 according to a 2016 study published in the International Journal of Fashion Design, Technology and Education. I’d bet a dime against a a dollar the biggest girl in the VS flyer was no bigger than an 8.
But here is the real kicker: even at a size 2, women by design will look at the cellulite on the backs of their thighs, the kangaroo pouch under their waistline, the stretch marks on their hips…and then lament. I do. And I have always lived a healthy lifestyle that included healthy eating and routine and regular exercise…and have sometimes been ostracized for it. Damned if you do…damned if you don’t?
My mom, who in her youth, was average by American standards at a size 14-16, raised me to be a thin person. She literally made very conscientious choices and was deliberate in telling me she was raising a thin person. She made sure I had a skill set that included understanding my dietary needs and balancing of macro nutrients (she didn’t say this, but she made sure I understood the role of fruits and veggies, fats, and proteins in my diet), and she made sure I understood the importance of activity is my daily life. At times in my life I was more intensely focused on diet and nutrition, especially after the birth of my first child, in part because of the messages I was receiving about the standards of female beauty and body size postpartum.
I, in turn, tried to instill these same values in my children. I modeled healthy lifestyle choices with regard to diet and exercise, although after baby 3 & 4 I didn’t have time for the exercise end as much as I had in the past.
Some lessons I learned…and some I am still working on
- A healthy body is more important than a thin body-After Jake was born, I didn’t have time to focus on working out. I stopped running and going to the gym. Our family activities of regular hiking stopped with two babies in the house. In three years I went from relatively fit to flaca (ugly skinny in Spanish). I had lost my muscle tone, and had no stamina for hiking, or physical activity. I weighed in at 105 soaking wet. My cholesterol was off the charts. My blood pressure was high. I was winded playing with my kids. I looked ok in my size zeros…but My body was falling apart.
- The way we feel about our bodies communicates more than what we say about our bodies. During those years after Jake was born, I was conscientious about not eating fried foods, foods high in cholesterol, and my salt intake…per my doctor’s orders. Lipitor wasn’t a good fit for me so, I felt like I had to monitor my foods, and I got into the habit of moderation and looking at serving sizes. People who didn’t know me assumed this was because of a desire to be thin….and the message that my actions sent to my kids was the same.
- Feeling good is more important than looking good- I remember when Jake finally got old enough to venture out on adventures, the first time I tried a basic hike, I thought I was going.to.die. Seriously. I was embarrassed and ashamed because my three year old could out run me. My chest hurt, My head hurt, my legs were on fire and I was miserable doing something that should have been fun. That was when I started going for walks every chance I could.
- Women’s bodies are miraculous, figuratively and literally. We grow life. When I was pregnant with Jake, I was enormous. I had belly for days. Jesse called that giant belly ‘the baby house’ because that is where his baby lived. After Jake was born, the baby house looked like a kangaroo pouch. When the last baby of four pregnancies is also the biggest that pouch is extra poochy. When the fat stores from nursing are gone….it’s a saggy pouch. My bikini wearing days were over, at least in my mind. When I was pregnant I loved my body. I felt strong, empowered and beautiful. Why couldn’t I harness this same feeling when the baby was born? Maybe because Victoria Beckham, Denise Richards, and Heidi Klum all flaunted their beach ready abs weeks after giving birth, while Brittney Spears was fat shamed months after giving birth. That message came through to me loud and clear.
- My body is perfect….for me. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t continually working on this. I’ve gained more than 15 pounds since moving from Arizona five years ago. I had to get rid of the majority of my clothes because they just don’t fit, and to be honest, I’m ok with that. I don’t want to be a zero, I want to feel good. I want to feel strong, I want to feel healthy. I still exercise regularly, I still eat healthy the majority of the time. I also enjoy the cake. And drink the beer. And my waistline shows it. Last summer for the first time since the summer after we moved, I wore a bikini in public. With out a cover up. Yep. Kangaroo pouch, stretch marks and all. And I’m good with it. This body took me on some amazing adventures, walking, hiking and biking all over the place. This body gave me my children, who are my everything. This body works all day, comes home and cooks and cleans, and lives….every day.
This body image issue really hit home for me when I was in Europe this summer. I went to a swimming lake with my host family, and most women -no matter their age or their size – were wearing bikinis, and several were even topless. This made me really think about the body image issues that are thrust upon us by the Kardashians and popular culture. We have been taught that our worth is in our body, not our mind, not our work ethic, and not our accomplishments.
At the end of the day, when all is said and done, my hope is to be that 80 year old lady next to me at the butts and guts morning workout who shows me how it’s done in her little capris and sports bra. My hope is to be the 70 year old couple running the 5k up hill in the alps. My hope is to be the Gigi that rides bikes with teenaged grandchildren…and keeps up. But my bigger hope in the bigger picture is that the societal standards that wage war against women stop. My bigger hope is that as women we are raising the next generation of women to have a better belief and value system when thinking about their bodies….or even better…they don’t have to think about their bodies in relation to self worth.
