Remember before you were a parent and you would see kids acting like brats in restaurants or the movies? Remember when you said, “My kids are never going to act like that, they will know better!” And then you became a parent and your child threw a fit in the middle of the grocery store. We have all been there, because let’s face it, the normally developing child goes through a tantruming stage as part of their emotional development. Dealing with the loss of not getting what they want…even if it is the stupid cardboard cylinder from the toilet paper roll is part of learning how to self regulate. As any parents of any toddler can tell you, they want what they want, even the cat box cakes, and they want it NOW!
Those toddler tantrums are emotional trial and error for children to learn to have their needs met, and as long as a caring and nurturing adult is there to guide this development and help them learn coping strategies, self soothing strategies, delayed gratification, and interpersonal skills, then these children go on to kindergarten ready to navigate sharing, overcoming challenges, carpet time, and criss cross applesauce. The most important lessons children learn about self regulation are learned with their parents and from their parents, as parents work with their children to correct and guide, but also as they set the example themselves as models.
Which leads me to where we are at today: videos on the national news of teachers having to ‘room clear’ when a child is compromising the safety of other students, teachers, and themselves with the lack of ability to self regulate. (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Cdr8AFZJTB0 and https://www.abc15.com/news/region-phoenix-metro/central-phoenix/room-clear-becoming-the-norm-in-classrooms-across-arizona). There are so many aggravating factors associated with this type of behavior; it is incredibly frustrating for the teacher, the other students, the parents of the other students, and believe it or not, for the parents of the children creating the disruption.
Some of these kids have amazing parents who are working with their children and teams of therapists, psychologists, counselors, doctors and schools to try and help their children self regulate and problem solve with out resorting to kicking, hitting, biting, head butting and throwing chairs. Some of these kids have been exposed to trauma, abuse or neglect and haven’t been given the opportunity for normal emotional development. Some of these kids fall somewhere in between. Some of these kids may have disabilities that prevent typical emotional development.
Yet, here we are… clearing classrooms. This breaks my heart on so many levels. My heart hurts for the kid who can’t keep it together under normal circumstances. My heart hurts for the classmates that have their learning disrupted, and their families that we ask for patience and grace on behalf of a student…but we can’t tell them why. They hear the stories around the dinner table that night, so even when we don’t disclose the details….out of the mouths of babes. My heart hurts for the parent who is frustrated and embarrassed because their child acted out in such a scary way. It hurts my heart to tell that parent that their child is being sent home because they have compromised their safety and the safety of others. I hate to see the look on my husbands face when he sees the bruises covering my shins from the good kick I received before getting the child into the child control position.
Situations requiring physical intervention are on the rise in schools. Room clearing as a physical intervention disrupts all learning in that classroom. Schools send criss teams to CPI training https://www.crisisprevention.com/Training-and-Events in an effort to teach de escalation strategies to prevent the need to clear classrooms, and restraint strategies to safely prevent a child from hurting themselves or others. But we really have to get to the root of the issue. We have to effectively be able to identify and treat mental illness and trauma in adult caretakers, provide parenting support for families of young children, especially when they have high Aces scores. (What is an aces score? Find out here https://developingchild.harvard.edu/media-coverage/take-the-ace-quiz-and-learn-what-it-does-and-doesnt-mean/) and then work with students (and caretakers) to develop coping strategies, self soothing strategies, the ability to delay gratification, and interpersonal skills. This requires resources: man power such a strong psychologists, counselors, and therapists to work intensely with students and families. These are resources public schools just don’t have to do the job we are expected to do.
The mental health crisis in the US is real, and it is manifesting in public schools. When mental health and trauma issues prevent learning we have a problem, because children who are not lerning are not behaving , and children who are not behaving are not learning. And neither are their peers.
