This might be a good time to explore the levels of craziness that I will undoubtedly experience as we go through social distancing and possibly full on quarantine. See day two post when I was just going crazy, and day three when I was stir crazy.
Let me just preface this with I really try not to be a potty mouth… but desperate times call for desperate measures. Let me also just say, I hope I don’t end up in purple zone. My kids probably also hope I don’t end up in purple. According to my spouse however, he is the ‘resident expert’ on handling me in purple. (Insert eye roll here, because I have never been past Crazy as Shit…and he was probably the cause of it). To his credit, he is also why I am Crazy in Love.
As we look at the Crazy Continuum, we always start with the positive, Crazy in Love. Ah, yes, you know butterflies in the stomach, preoccupation, and sweet romantic gestures…(Remember the strawberries and champagne at the top of the waterfall….swoon). After 20+ years, Crazy in Love also means forgiving your spouse when he Dutch Ovens under clean sheets, it also means date nights, and couch cuddles.
Then there is just Crazy; plain old ordinary crazy. The best examples of this is when I tried a new recipe with a venison roast. I know, Crazy right? How about switching up from Columbian to French Roast coffee beans. Pure craziness. Changing the scent in the wall flowers from fresh linen to bamboo waters….Craaaaaazzzzzzyyyyy.
From Crazy, we go to Driving me Crazy, for example screwing up two venison roasts in the same week. Driving me Crazy also includes sending my spouse to the store to get food for dinner, and then texting him while he is there to say “Never mind, we are going out…just get the boys something”, and then having him come home empty handed to find out we are not in fact going out. Believe it or not, I spend a lot of time on the ‘Driving me Crazy’ zone. (Crazy right?!) Constant ideas that require work…and sometimes messes….(We really need cabinetry in the basement…just sayin’). My supervisors would probably agree and I am sure they ALL cringe when they get an email from me that starts out “I had an idea”.
After Driving me Crazy comes the infamous Cray Cray….Or according to the Urban Dictionary it is just Cray now…I guess I’m oldish. Since there are several variations on this one, I choose to go with a little on the provocative side…a little out of control… kind of like me when I have exceeded my two beverage limit- doesn’t happen often, but it does happen:
Which gets me to where I am now: Stir Crazy. Literally, restless or frantic because of confinement. I am lacking social interaction. I even tried making small talk with the telemarketer who called me. The nerve to hang up. Seriously. I have been in my home office for four days. People keep cooking in my home office!!! My home office smells like chocolate pancakes! My dog has no boundaries when it comes to my home office. She wants in, she wants out,she wants in, she wants out….even the kindergartners know to knock on the door before coming in. But the Dog?! Come on, she barges in and starts barking and whining multiple times a day. STIR CRAZY.
The next levels of crazy are uncharted territory, because all things considered I am a sane person. But next up, Crazy as a Loon… There may have been a few passing moments where I may have been Crazy as a Loon… maybe a camp out when I went over the two beverage limit…or maybe the fourth of July when I poured beer on my father in law* (Love you Pops). Isolated instances, few and far between.
Crazy as a Shit House Rat…well these are the times when you notice someone else’s craziness, and you laugh about it. For example, once at a bonfire someone said to me, “I will strip down and carry you around fireman style…I can do it!” Ummmmm That’s a NO…a BIG FAT NO, and you my friend are Crazy as a Shit House Rat if you think I would let you! And all the witnesses not only laughed like crazy at the time, we laugh like crazy whenever it is brought up.
Crazy as Shit lacks the humor that Crazy as a Shit House Rat has…. These are the instances where you shake your head in wonder…like watching the Evil Knevil wannabe try to jump two cars on a 50 CC dirt bike. Maybe Crazy as Shit includes Crazy Stupid….Like the people who drive on the wrong side of the freeway….and after the fact they are like…”wow, that was dumb”.
Bat Shit Crazy…well, we are getting to the serious craziness here…The people who do crazy stupid stuff, and think they are sane. These are the people that have full blown fits in the store, yelling at the cashier over a dime, and then look at you as if you are the crazy one for watching in awe at the craziness. These are the people that are certifiably nuts. These are the people who tell you red meat will kill you while shooting heroin.
Which leads me to Effin Bat Shit Crazy. Use your imagination…It probably looks like a Quentin Tarantino Movie in real life.
As we go through this Crazy trying time, so far out of our realm of experience, it is safe to say, I will likely spend a lot of time Stir Crazy, as will many of you, and probably all of our kids.
*I was not as my 2 beverage limit…just my usual crazy self (Sorry Pops, Love you)
