Mother’s day is often a day I have mixed feelings about…Kind of like Teacher appreciation week, Father’s Day…and all these other ‘one day of appreciation holidays’ that have a foundation in economics…mainly selling cards and stuff to people. For me, Moms, Dads, Teachers, Nurses… we need to just appreciate people everyday. We should make all of our interactions with people communicate their value. Definitely easier said than done, and not a topic one lone person can shift the world’s beliefs on in one blog post.
Even with the best of intentions though, Mother’s Day is a hard day for many people. Mother’s day can be a reminder of loss and grief for some, it creates guilt for others, and there are some hard truths that maybe as we walk around in Hallmark bliss, we forget to consider:
- Not everyone has a mom to celebrate. I have seen so many of my friends posting tributes to their mother’s that have passed. I am just praying that I get one more in person Mother’s Day with my mom, who is currently and indefinitely undergoing chemo. Again. But there other reasons that some people don’t have a mother in their lives. I think about some of my kiddos whose mothers are incarcerated or otherwise absentee. Nowhere is this more evident than in the kindergarten classroom when the class is making their annual ‘Mother’s Day craft’. In increasing numbers, these gifts are going to Aunties, Grandma’s, foster moms…and while I am grateful that someone is ‘mothering’ these kids, there is no replacement for your actual mother for some of these kids. That being said, for someone whose mother is not present for whatever reason, nothing takes the place of your mom.
- Moms need other moms. The Mom network keeps us strong. On the border, very commonly, we have ‘Comadres’. In some cases these are the formal Godparents, but in many cases it is the network of moms that are always around to help raise the children. Collectively. A Comadre thinks nothing of swatting a misbehaving child with her chancla. But it is more than just the child rearing… It is the fact that we share our stresses, our celebrations, our ideas…we commiserate with our comadres about the things that our spouses may not ‘get’ no matter how much they love us. The comadres keep us going, and pick up the slack for us when our burdens become to much, they help us be the best versions of ourselves and they sometimes hold up the mirror of truth for us to be able to face things we may not want to face. So for me, in honoring Mother’s Day, I am honoring all the Comadres in my life- The comadre who took care of my little boys one weekend a month while I went to Phoenix for PD, The Comadres that sit together and cheer each other’s children during sports seasons, the comadre who stays with your kids while you are out of the country…twice, and all of the comadres in between. I also can’t overlook my own mother’s Comadres… That network of moms that looked out for me, busted me making mischief, encouraged me to do well in life, trusted me to babysit their kids, and who have given me words of wisdom through out the years, and who have taught me much about love, life, marriage, divorce, parenting, but most of all friendship, as I know these comadres will be there for my mom until the end. Nothing can convey that gratitude.
- Being a mom is it’s own gift, one that many of us take for granted each day. An acquaintance announced her visit from the stork on facebook this morning. Along with the announcement was a picture of her sonogram surrounded by hundreds of needles, and pill packs from her numerous IVF cycles. For her, this is such a tremendous gift. As I keep scrolling, I see another post, this time a friend whose child passed away after a difficult battle with cancer. This mom, for all she has been through, approached today grateful for the gift of that short little life, the blessing it was, the lessons she learned. I personally feel so blessed with the gift of motherhood; my life would be empty with out my children.
So, In this fabricated economically driven holiday, while I appreciate the flowers, garden benches, shoes and purses, and all the material gifts of Mother’s Day over the years, here are the ones that mean the most to me:
- The rubbermaid totes that take up a ton of room in my crawl space, one for each of the five kids. These are full of pictures and letters they have created for me. They are the arts and crafts we made together, or they made with the help of a trusted adult at childcare or preschool. They are the snippets of haircuts in envelopes, first Halloween costumes, a napkin from the first birthday party. They are collections of hospital bracelets from numerous ER visits. First shoes, kindergarten completion certificates, school projects, scouting accomplishments, and all things childhood crammed into a rubbermaid tote. These are the days that I can never get back, but I can revisit.
- The phone calls, texts messages and facetimes from far away. My favorites are the facebook posts from my adult children about people not loading the dishwasher correctly. For me they signify that through the hard times, through my parenting fails over the years, that even though we couldn’t always give them everything they always wanted and things were not always ideal, they turned into good hardworking contributing members of this world.
- The Friday night conversations with my teenagers. These are the best. They have put down their phones, game controllers, and other distractions, and are enjoying spending time with the significant adults in their lives. Friday night, I received this gift. I spent two hours around the kitchen table with my boys listening to them tell stories about funny times at school, reminiscing about middle school as if it was so long ago…which led them to reminiscing about high school days, and although they wouldn’t admit it, how much they miss school. They then wanted to hear the story about every coffee cup I own, from my mismatched collection of random mugs, most of which I am sentimentally attached to. Which then went on to the purpose behind every gadget in my utensil drawer. Completely meaningless conversation but in the bigger picture, what it means to me is that my baby boys still need their moms attention, and that when the world is so heavy, that just random talking is enjoyable. Or I am overthinking it; if I am, kindly keep that to yourself because in that case, ignorance is bliss.
- Memory making…camp outs, bike rides, road trips, dinner time around the table, game nights, wrestling matches, soccer games, track meets and football games, gripping the backseat during the road test, the day the braces came off, my son walking out of the ER…safe and on his own two feet, hiking the caves, and swimming in the creek, lemonade stands, prom shopping and all of the little moments that make me feel blessed to be a mom.
In honor of all the moms, today and every day, you are amazing! My Husband nailed it with this one….
To all my fellow supermoms out there- have a great year!
