Addiction carries such a heavy stigma, yet the affects of addiction reach far and wide. The Surgeon General estimates that one in seven people are directly affected by addiction, with only one in 10 seeking treatment. This means that more than 50% of the population is directly related to an addict. I am one of those 50%. This problem of addiction isn’t new or news.
Years ago, when I was a classroom teacher, I started seeing the affects of addiction in my classroom: Parents in active addiction, care givers in active addiction, and children being raised by grandparents because their parents were suffering the affects of addiction- either actively using and unable to care for their children, or incarcerated. And I saw the shame these children carried as the burden of the family secrets of addiction weighed on them.
As someone who also felt the burden of shame as a result of addiction growing up, I needed to help my kiddos. I needed to make sure they knew that they had nothing to be ashamed of, and I needed to arm them with the knowledge to avoid becoming another statistic. I began telling the stories of Crackhead Uncle John, my uncle. I also wanted them to know that someone they knew and respected had a family’s member who was an addict.
My hometown, Bisbee Arizona, is a small town, and my people were well known in the community. My mom was a local nurse, another uncle was the local mechanic, and later the Mayor. They were the children of the town drunk, and while I don’t associate my grandparents with alcoholism because they were basically sober by the time I came along, this was the reality that my mom and uncle overcame. Uncle John however, did not overcome.
Uncle John was notorious in my hometown. He was known for standing on the corner by Safeway looking for change to support his habit. He was a memorable figure with his wild red hair and beard, crazy blue eyes, missing teeth, and dirty clothes; he was your average homeless textbook addict. He wasn’t above petty crime, or federal crimes from time to time, to support his habit. He had been to rehab a few times and straightened out his life. But he just couldn’t stay clean in Bisbee.
Because he was a notorious figure in Bisbee, he became the basis for my lessons on ‘just say no’. I would tell the story to my fourth graders about Crackhead Uncle John. I would tell them that he didn’t start out a crack head. It started with underage drinking and smoking cigarettes, it led to ditching school and smoking marijuana, which led to cocaine, pills, meth, and needles. It started one day when someone asked him if he wanted to hang out and drink and smoke. It started with that one choice. I always emphasized that it started with ONE CHOICE.
I would always tell my students that in Bisbee, it would always be a choice, and that nearly every student would at some point have to make that choice. I would tell them that in that moment they might not know that the ONE CHOICE would lead to the next. I would tell them that sometimes good people make bad choices, but that when their time came to make their choice, I wanted them to think about Crackhead Uncle John, and make the right choice.
Years and years I told these stories of Crackhead Uncle John to my students. One student, one day came to me and he told me he knew my Crackhead Uncle John. I wasn’t surprised by this. I remember this child’s mother breastfeeding this child as an infant in St. Elmo’s….one of the oldest bars in Bisbee. He went on to say that Crackhead Uncle John wasn’t such a bad guy, to which I agreed, and that yes, sometimes good people make bad choices. What I didn’t tell him that day was that Crackhead Uncle John had recently stole most of my possessions from my home that he could carry out and sell. Sadly, the last time I was in Bisbee, I saw this young man, sitting in front of St. Elmo’s, with Crackhead Uncle John…looking down and out.
I bring this up now because several conversations have been circulating in my periphery about addiction: a Facebook post about addiction being a disease, other Facebook posts about people attending NA and AA meetings, and addiction and the impacts it has on my students now.
I wish I could go back to my classroom at Bisbee Middle School and talk to the students about this all over again. I would still tell them about Crackhead Uncle John. I would still tell them that someday they would have the choice to make. But I would also tell them about Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES) and the correlation between high ACES scores and addiction. ( Learn more about ACES here https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/03/02/387007941/take-the-ace-quiz-and-learn-what-it-does-and-doesnt-mean) I would talk to them about where to get help when the pain of trauma is overwhelming. I would talk to them about protecting their mental health and how to access mental health resources.
Looking back, one of the last conversations I had with Crackhead Uncle John involved me telling him that I used his story in hope that it would help my kiddos. He was upset with me. I remember telling him that if just one student made the right choice when their time came, that it would be worth it. If just one student was saved from a life of addiction based on the Crackhead Uncle John story then at least his life wouldn’t be a waste.
I’m not sure where Uncle John is today. What I do know is that my students had the choice to make, as I knew they would. Some of them made their choices, and went on to live fruitful and productive lives. Some of them made choices and have had to fight tooth and nail to rise above and overcome. Some of them are still in the battle, and I love them all, I pray for them all and I believe I them all.
Here is the thing: nobody grows up thinking…I want to be a druggie when I grow up. Someone I know, recently said that addicts are addicts because they are ‘weak minded’. I have known addicts who have been some of the most intellectually gifted people, some of the most intelligent and articulate people and I have known addicts who have difficulty tying their shoes. Becoming addicted has very little to do with will power or being weak.
Some people may question why I would tell the truths included in the Crackhead Uncle John stories, especially to children. In navigating the road of life, children can’t avoid the potholes that they don’t know how to identify. For all my kiddos, I told you the Uncle John stories to help you navigate your path in life, to help you avoid the pitfalls, and to hopefully remind you that someone loves you enough to try to make a difference. Notice…loves is present tense.
No matter what choice was made, no matter where you are in life, know that you matter. If you are currently an overcomer…keep overcoming. If you need to overcome, find a support system, get to a meeting, get a sponsor, and take it one day at a time. If you are a parent or loved one to an addict, please never give up on them. Find a way to support them with out enabling. I don’t have all the answers, but I wish I did.
Keep in mind that the addict you see is someone’s child, parent, spouse or sibling, and no matter what their circumstance, it isn’t yours to judge.
