National Lampoon’s Lusby Family Vacation

We all know the Griswold Family and their notorious vacation shenanigans from Wally World, to Europe, Vegas and even Christmas. Let me just say, the Griswold’s have nothing on the Lusby’s this spring break. Let me also just say that my husband is much better looking than Clark, and he has a better sense of humor when I get his jokes. (If anyone can explain deez nuts…. Would be appreciated).

National Lampoons Lusby Family Funeral Flight

The Lusby’s have had the absolute worst luck with trips in the last year. InOctober we were scheduled for a very early Saturday morning flight to my mom’s funeral in Arizona. The plan was have everything packed Thursday night, leave work Friday with all the snacks and drinks for the football team, drive 45 minutes away to the game, watch the game, leave the game, be home by 11:30, take a nap and be ready to leave for the airport at 1:30 to check into the airport by 3:30 for our 5:30 flight. Our plans were all working out until a lightning strike 30 minutes before kickoff. Then a tornado warning and several more lightening strikes delayed kickoff until 9:00. After a wet and muddy victory we grab our senior off the field, muddy pants and all at 11:30 to head home, grab luggage and go. Who really needs a preflight nap? We can sleep on the plane!

Halfway home I get a text message that our flight has been changed and instead of departing Saturday morning we are now departing Sunday night. PARDON?!? The funeral was Sunday afternoon. I call Southwest Airlines and am on hold for 5 hours when they HANG UP on me. Meanwhile my husband who is better looking and smarter than Clark Griswold is on the phone trying to book flights with any other airline…. With no luck. Needless to say, I attended my mom’s celebration of life via FaceTime and spent the next few weeks haggling with the airline for a refund since I didn’t want their stinking airline credit.

National Lampoons Lusby Family Jamaican Adventure

Shortly after our funeral trip fiasco, we decided to start planning our spring break family vacation. We went to the travel agent, loaded up on brochures, initiated several discussions on the pros and cons of Mexico vs. the Caribbean, reviewed packages, costs, and decided Jamaica it would be. The fact that on,y covid negative people were allowed in the country was a huge plus….and so was travel insurance. We paid in full for our vacation in October because nothing was going to stand between the Lusby family and spring break in a sunny tropical location.

As we were counting down the days, we started researching excursions, planning for parking, we pre-paid the pet sitter, bought her a spare bed and some CBD, we had international calling on our phones, I was a member of the bikini of the month club for the past 8 months ensuring I had a different suit of the same cut for each day of the trip….we were ready to go.

On our way to Chicago to catch our departing flight, I was checking us into our international flights, and was ready to see the blue skies, white sands and clear water, when I discovered that our youngest son’s passport expired 10 DAYS AGO. Seriously. How could two type A people overlook such a critical detail?? We leave a frantic voicemail for the travel agent, start googling 24 hour passport services, and mustering as much optimism as we can that this trip will still happen.

Well, needless to say, there were zero options for 24 hour passport renewal, zero grace periods for expired passports, and not even covid closures could help us get around the fact that the last and littlest Lusby was not getting into Jamaica. And that sweet boy….he offered to stay behind. Unthinkable considering the objective of the trip was to spend time with our sons, bonding and relaxing.

We arrived at our airport hotel, changed our plans and went out to dinner to start looking at plan B. Our agent had sent several domestic vacation options, but due to them being a last minute booking….none were too appealing. Clearwater Beach Florida Holiday Inn two queens for $8500 for the week, Key West Hilton for $7900, San Diego $7900….but considering we were scheduled for a five star all inclusive family suite in Jamaica for roughly the same price….well….we will take the refund.

Over dinner we discussed our options…. Vegas….but no good flights on the return and I’m NOT flying Spirit. Stay in Chicago and see the sights, or drive west to the Wisconsin Dells….at least the bikinis would get some use. While In Chicago we discovered that Jess can bowl, mom cannot, fresh cut waffle fries are better than regular fries, but only freshly cut, and you cannot just order four chicken breasts for breakfast.

The joke on the road trip from Chicago to the Dells as that if anyone asks how Jamaica was we would say it was a lot like Wisconsin. At least I get that joke. That dang deez nuts jokes kept coming. I’m still scratching my head, and I’m not looking it up on urban dictionary because I don’t want that showing up on my search history if I die.

So, we hung out at the water park hotel for a few days, walked a million steps from our condo to the wave pools and water slides, slept in, and spent time with our kids. Jake got his fill of chicken breasts thanks to the condo kitchen. Was it blue skies and white sandy beaches….no, and my husbands swim shorts froze to the balcony railing where he left them to dry…but the objective was met, we laughed, bonded and enjoyed time together as a family. We are proud of our kids who for months had been looking forward to tropical vacation, and they rolled with the punches, didn’t complain, and who will have a tropical vacation to look forward to next year thanks in part to the passport renewal appointments we have for tomorrow.

Like Clark Griswold, my husband, who is better looking than Clark Griswold, just wanted his family to have fun. He would have been content to come home and sit in his chair petting his dog. But he overpaid to sit in a suite for a few days in the Midwest surrounded by screaming children, over chlorinated water parks, and walking half a mile in the hotel to get decent coffee (decent being a stretch) because he wanted his family to be happy. Our objective was met: we spent time together as a family bonding and having fun.

I hope the lines at the passport office aren’t too long.