Here is something I never thought I would do: use Karen as a derogatory term towards another person. But here I am… doing it. So here is the thing about ‘Karens’: it’s the new put down that represents white female entitlement. It is characterized by the woman treating customer service people poorly, complaining about her meal to waitstaff, griping at her child’s teachers over small non-issue issues…because she thinks she can. It is the epitome of a person who is completely selfish and lacking empathy in an effort to appease their wants- not even needs.
I am against that level of selfishness. I do not believe anyone has the right to treat anyone else poorly to serve their needs (much less wants) even if they are legitimate needs. If we are being honest, I think most of us, out of frustration, have at some point or another treated someone poorly in an effort to get needs met- the need to get the billing error fixed after you have been on hold endlessly… the need to have an injustice righted… or even to prevent someone from treating you poorly yourself.
I have been short with people from time to time. I am not proud of it, and there is usually a legitimate reason when I am. I don’t go around looking for reasons to gripe, I don’t gripe over the small stuff and I try to never get nasty with people over little things, which is what separates advocacy from Karenism. The educator in me has done an unofficial FBA (functional behavior analysis for you non educators) and I believe that people engaging in Karenism are looking for a way to feel powerful and in control. This is why I get upset when I see people legitimately advocating being accused of being Karens.
So, this leads me to a story. We were camping at one of our favorite camping spots close to town. My friend and I were enjoying a nice float in the lake with a beverage and our kids when a group of young ladies began looking for attention from our teen aged boys. Now these young ladies had been parading back and forth in front of our campsite trying to catch the eyes of our boys. Our boys were not interested. So as we are enjoying our float and hanging out with our boys enjoying the sun, these ladies started getting loud and crude with their word choices. I gave them the ‘mom eye’ which they ignored and proceeded to curse louder. Not just any cursing either…the F Bomb…which is reserved for catastrophic events and rarely used thereby increasing its emphasis. I gave them another look and said loudly, ‘Ladies!’ to which they snarked that I wasn’t their ‘effing mother’. They then continued dropping their F bomb even louder in conversation in conversation…trying to make a point? Wrong momma. Now I get it- kids will be kids and push boundaries, but this loud and vulgar tirade of nonsense had been going on in the presence of small children and families and their voices carried far and wide over the lake, so I told them loudly for all the lake to hear, ‘Ladies, I have heard enough! You need to stop cursing and set a better example and be respectful of the families and their children!’. There was a moment of silence on the lake.
My boys were mortified. They shouldn’t be because they have lived with educator mom who has no problem correcting other people’s children in restaurants, airplanes, stores…. you name it. But this time. Maybe because it was done publicly and loudly they were surprised. But those girls finally got the message, closed their mouths and left the lake. As we were leaving the beach one of my boys said ‘ I get why you did that, but did you have to go all Karen on them?’
Whoa. Wait. What?! This forces me to explain to my boys the difference between correcting injustice and petty gripes that make people feel powerful and in control and I was definitely not being a Karen! But boy did I spend some time thinking about what other people might have thought about me correcting those potty mouthed girls.I have NO desire to be perceived as a Karen. I had to examine MY motivation and after much thought and deliberation decided that power and control played no part in my actions. I was really tired of those girls begging for my sons’ attention and being so vulgar about it. I was tired of hearing so much unnecessary profanity – and let me be real here- I have been known to drop a few F bombs- carefully placed and articulately used to make a point with a specific audience…but not screaming out in the presence of little kids… for fun.
So, fast forward to another camping trip, another campground on another weekend. We are enjoying the afternoon after we got set up, having a beverage and getting ready to eat when some kids on bikes start teasing my dog by riding right up on where she was laying and skidding out just before they hit her. The boys see this all tell the kids ‘Hey! Slow down!’ before i cold say anything. On the next time around they skid out right next to the truck, nearly hitting it. So once again the boys tell them to slow down. The boys got tired of sitting around camp and went for a walk where they encountered the same group of kids racing around the campground, and they half jokingly said ‘Hey, slow down!’
Not long after they returned to camp….here comes the kids on the bikes with their mom stomping up to our site where she informs us that we need to keep our boys away from her kids, that she has an 8 year old near tears because our boys were picking on them. We explained that the boys were not being mean, and that her kids needed to legitimately slow down and explained the situation with the dog and he truck. She didn’t get those details from her kids before she stomped over to confront us. Not having the result she was looking for-to put us in our place in front of her kids-she returned to her site and called the camp rangers. The rangers rolled up and we watched them talking to her and knew they would be paying us a visit. While she was talking to the rangers her kids biked back and forth in front of our campsite smiling widely at us.
The rangers came to see us, we explained the situation and they agreed that she was being a little ‘extra’ in calling them for a situation that was resolved. But we all chuckled. This lady tried to come pull a mom powerplay that backfired. She didn’t get the result she was looking for so she reported us the the DNR to get the sense of power she was craving. Total Karenism. Meanwhile her kids continued racing around the campground zig zagging in and around people’s campsites. Without helmets. Ok Karen.
Later that night, Karen’s daughter is having a crying fit because she lost her bike. It is 9:30 at night, and those kids had no business riding around in the dark, no helmets, no lights, in and out of people’s camps….but to lose a bike, and then throw a screaming hissy? The bike was found…in a neighboring campsite where it had been abandoned. All I can say is Karen was lucky the the renters of that particular site didn’t go Karen on her.
