This morning, while drinking my coffee and perusing the news, I came across one of the advice columns about elementary school administrator who is over the top nosey. “This ought to be good…” I’m thinking as I start reading. I’m not even into the third sentence and my blood starts to boil.
‘My 10-year-old’s school administrators are over-the-top nosey and won’t stay out of our business. I think they mean well, but at times, they try to micromanage the care of our child.’
As I keep reading, the gist of the complaint is this: the kids shoes were falling off his feet so the school sent home a new pair he didn’t like as much and wouldn’t wear, and he had a cut that became infected and the school sent home some information on caring for the wound and a referral for places to get medical assistance if there was no insurance. And the parent complains that this is over the top nosey and micro managerial? Listen up people….My job is to make sure that all my kids are safe and healthy and that their basic needs are met IN ORDER for us to meed their educational needs.
Flabbergasted. So…here is the crux of why that letter bothered me so much: My job description didn’t always include oversight of social and emotional wellbeing! I love my kiddos, and as such it is part of what I do anyway, but there was a time when the principal just managed instruction of the school. These days, we manage instruction of the school, AND provide social service intervention among many other non academic services that have become necessary as a precursor to the actual teaching.
The school has become the primary safety net for kids. And it is NOT the fault of the school! Way back when…before my time for sure, schools were places where kids learned academic skills. They weren’t concerned about feeding children because children came to school fed. They weren’t worried about at home care because kids were coming clean and well rested. They weren’t focused on if the kids have food at home, and parents sent their kids to school clean and ready to learn because and in the school setting, these issues weren’t impacting learning. Back then we didn’t have to wonder if there was adequate supervision, if there was abuse or neglect, stability, adequate resources to support a family….but here we are and over the past decades I have seen societal problems increasing. One of the key indicators and red flags of societal change was when kids started coming to school hungry, unkempt and tired, and teaching became more of a challenge. To meet that challenge schools became more than just where learning took place. It became a source of nutrition through school meal services, medical and social services and the safety net for children. More single parent homes, more poverty, more substance abuse, increased trauma….and I’m sorry to say, but when the needs of the children are not being met in the home, they have to be met somewhere….and that usually starts with the school. Don’t ask me why… but there we are.
So, back to the letter. I have had kids that I was worried about. The little boy with bedbug bites all over his body who wore the same clothes day after day to school. We provided a clean change of clothes each day for this little guy. This is the same student I reported to protective services nine times over the course of a year, we also made a couple reports to animal control. I’m sure his parent thought I was over the top nosey. She would roll here eyes in aggravation when we tried to send home clean clothes and a new backpack. She threw new boots at out front door during parent pick up once. She would yell at us when her son missed a day of school and we called to check up on him. Here is the thing: we just wanted that little boy to be ok. Period. Bottom line. She badmouthed me and the school, but all that mattered to us was helping her son.
Towards the end of the school year, the most shocking and horrible thing happened. It started with an investigation into a stolen wheelchair that was spotted at the little boy’s house. The police went to the door and as they were there the little boy’s three year old brother was seen covered in burns. Police looked into the situation and discovered that three days before, the boy had been burned over 60% of his body and the adults in the house bought him a teddy bear from the dollar store instead of taking him to the doctor. Further investigation revealed no food in the house, piles upon piles of trash and dirty clothes, and a house that was ultimately condemned after the adults were taken to jail and the children were placed in foster care.
The newspaper covered this story, largely because it started with the stolen wheelchair that was recovered at the house. Once the story broke and the details of the entire situation were reported, all of the concerns that I had been reporting were brought to the public eye. The community outcry at the neglect and abuse that these children suffered was loud and clear: ‘Why didn’t the school do anything?!’, ‘ Why didn’t the school report to CPS?!’
We did. Nine times. I sent copies of the reports to my superintendent. I was so sad and angry that all of our efforts to help this family went unanswered and ended with a little boy being hospitalized after days of what must have been excruciating pain. So, like the principal in the letter I was reading, we started with first noticing some concerns, offering assistance and when offers of assistance were declined AND the concerns were not resolved….. we reported.
Schools are not trying to pry and be nosy, and unfortunately we are mandated reporters- meaning if we suspect abuse or neglect and we don’t report it, and something happens- we are liable. We always try to resolve concerns by using the team effort approach first (unless it is a crime against a child…. Then we go straight to report).
The school is here to partner with families, to help them raise healthy, secure, productive, contributing members of our community. The school is here to support parents and families in meeting the needs of their children. If you don’t need our help call us up, email us and say, “Hey we appreciate the offer, but we have got this!”. I gave a little girl a pair of shoes, super cute brand new Adidas that I got for a steal. She was wearing some shoes that were falling off her feet with shredded laces. Her mother sent them back the next day and said “Thanks for the loaners, we are headed shoe shopping this weekend, and appreciate the offer but save them for someone who truly needs them” yep. Enough said. Listen, My feelings were in no way shape or form hurt, and the little girl had what she needed.That is the goal.
So, before going off the deep end and getting upset about the school being over the top nosy….reframe that thought into “I’m so glad my kid has so many caring people looking out for them!” and be glad it isn’t your child who really does NEED the school as a safety net.
